Stuff from 2-3am notes app, a time between today and yesterday

Its 2am as I type this, my sis is having the time of her life on a video call with her friend. I wanna sleep but I also don’t, it feels like going to the slaughter, which is dramatic. I’m thinking of watching ‘I’m thinking of ending things,’ I expect it to be painfully relatable in a way, but what I’m apprehensive about is if it would make me feel worse

No one can save you but you

I went down and ate mochi instead, I could just tell her to maybe go do her call downstairs because you could take your call anywhere, but you can’t really go get your night sleep outside your perfectly available bedroom, you can sleep anywhere technically, but u get what i mean. But I’m a puuspuss and took the ‘night shift’ instead😞 let’s not burrow in self pity now though it’s just as my fault for not telling her that I was planning to go sleep. No one is a mind reader. Communication is a wound. my left eye itchy

Why must i do this to myself

I woke up from a dream about dinosaurs at school. Ate lunch then

Napped most of the afternoon away, at some point was a dream of a brown syrian hamster badly treated and at another I dreamt some genuine romantic freakery with a past school crush. Woke up to that one part in the song; Venice Bitch (in my head)

Barely cooked beef, silent mutual disappointment

I wish I could go out and do stuff