Took the last exam for this semester, wasn't that difficult, easier than yesterday's exam at least. I didn't ace it ofc, there were parts that was pure guessing but, idrc. My grades so far are already fine. I'm just grateful for more free time.

Whole department took it at the gym, at night, which was so cool. I don't get a lot of reason to stay at the campus gym when the sun's down, it was also breezy as hell and I think that made my head hurt a little. The floor was yellow and I was sat somewhere in the middle, it looked like a scene from a dream. A new 'setting' amidst the usual settings of my boring day to day life.

When I came in early as we were instructed I chatted a bit with K. and the others (abt the exam), she hovered around the circle, and idk I felt like I wasn't part of that circle enough yet so after a while I went and sat down by mself nearby pretending to do some flashcards. There was this one girl nearby too, she seems pretty quiet and she sits by herself, not the first time I felt a little inkling of attraction despite never having really talked to her lol

So the exam starts and we sit by where we're supposed to, I felt like I was intruding as usual sitting by the circle I mentioned, the questionnares get passed

And halfway through answering I realize I got 2 questionnares, and started feeling a bit anxious because the professor kept looking in my direction too like he knew and was waiting on me to give it back. I worried like mad. I was in the middle of the huge gym with like 100+ people taking the exam, it wouldn't be a big deal to give the second one back when we just started but we were already like idk 20minutes in, the whole place was so still and quiet I felt like it would be abit awkward to break that. But then there were also these late people coming in and I worried about them not having a questionnare because I had it. And when I'm done and had to pass the answer sheet and the 2 fking questionnares the professor would question me about it like why thell didnt i just give it and save the late people some trouble but

None of that happened. I took my time, submitted the 2 questionnares stacked neatly on top of each other so the professor wouldn't notice but really he barely even looked so, a lesson to learn here probably

After that my sis and her bf picked me up and we went to this cafe, ordered a smores drink with delicious slightly burnt marshmallows, we had to eat/drink quickly though cuz we still got dinner and our dad would start fuming

We come home, hide the evidence, and turns out my borther and his gf was there too and the table was cramped but overall dinner was fine. There weren't really that much insensitive comments thrown at me, but after dinner, I wondered whether I was the annoying one this time - specifically to my younger brother, I was teasing him here and there but like, did i strike a nerve? I wonder about this bc this is probably what happens when they tease me, there's no obvious harmful intention but it still annoys the hell out of me yknow. Did I do the same thing to him? I donno.

Also not a recent thought and far from original but some nights ago it really sunk in me the fact that people are really more focused on themselves. It's not a revolutionary thought sonder and allat but like...I think about myself so much when I lie at night involuntarily, my brain just reviews the day and my 'mistakes' and plans forward, but did I ever think while interacting with someone -- that they were awkward and gross and deserve to die because of how awkward they were? No. So, there's a high chance people have a similar thought process. Even the people that genuinely dislike me for some reason, have better things to do (or think about)